The Bachelor Season 24 Episode 2 Recap.

More Hannah Brown, Code Red Champagne Scandal, & The Bachelor Franchise Helping Their Contestants Become Influencers

***I do not own the rights to these videos.***

Welcome back! Episode Two was potentially just as wild as Episode One, so buckle up & let’s get down to it! IMMEDIATELY, we are thrown back into the INTENSE! REAL! RAW! conversation between Peter & Hannah about their lingering feelings & what to do about them. At some point (we don’t see), Hannah moves back over with Peter on the couch? And a lot of the shots look to be taken from behind something? Could it be they didn’t know they were being filmed in these moments? Then again, there’s a 0.0% chance either of them is THAT naïve.

Peter tells Hannah that it hurts him to hear she thought he just wanted to be The Bachelor instead of thinking he wanted to be with her saying, “You were the one that said no to me, I never said no to you”. DAYUMMM. This man’s a GD POET. But is he wrong???

ZAMMMMMMMMMMMM Peter with the ZINGGGERS

Cut To all the girls writing their “sex stories” to perform later that night & being like… hmmm… Peter’s been gone quite some time… Is he working on round 5….

Cut Back to Peter & Hannah staring quite intently into each other’s eyes when Peter tells Hannah, “I just want someone that wants me as bad as I want them.” PETER MY HEART. YOU DESERVE THAT, MY FRIEND, WE ALL DO. He goes on to ask if she is missing the “what-ifs”, what-if our relationship had worked out, what would life be like then, instead of specifically missing him. This feels like a very real, raw ask. When you break up with someone, you fantasize about the all good parts about that person, and even beyond that, you mourn your relationship lifestyle. Being single can be a drastic change, even just in the sense of having someone to talk to. It’s hard to discern if you really miss a person or if you miss being in a relationship, so I think Peter is right on the money with this.

Hannah defends his question saying she knows it’s more than that with the chemistry she feels every time she’s with him… NOT to be a skeptical biotch BUT… it can be easy to have chemistry with someone… that doesn’t necessarily mean you are good together, in fact, it can be unHEALTHy to just have a good physical relationship with someone, but not emotional (not to presume I know the entirety and complexities of their relationship!!!) You can tell Peter believes her, and he smiles (because he’s nervous), and says, “I don’t know what to do right now”, then proceeds to put his head FACE FIRST IN HER LAP. HMMM… PETER DOESN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO… WHY DON’T I JUST PUT MY FACE NEAR UR VAGENE like it’s a GD MAGnet.

You already know Hannah Brown got that Platinum Pussy

Then Hannah asks if she can hug him, and they have a VERY INTENSE, VERY INTIMATE moment where they’re both touching each other’s faces & backs and HAIR, and it’s like YEAH, these are OBVIOUSLY two people who would still like to F-U-C-K!

Finally, Peter comes to his senses and says he can’t do this right now.

Intimate AF WTF

You think, Peter??? You only have 20 of the most beautiful recently college graduated women who want to be famous wanting to do the same thing with you! They have the saddest, most lasting hug goodbye. Peter goes into his ITM saying he felt like he wanted to kiss her, rationalizing it to himself saying it wasn’t that long ago they broke up, he doesn’t know if he has to love someone else to move on, or if he will ever fully move on. (???? I fkn hope so!!!!) That felt super, super unresolved. Hannah… will you be back?

Peter comes back to the girls and truly corrals them like horses lmao, gather ’round!!! He is the literal the sweetest sweetie, tearing up as he tells all the girls that seeing Hannah really shook him up, he wasn’t expecting to feel that way and that he has to cancel the rest of the day portion of the date. The girls are obviously PISSED (same), but like, can you blame the man??? Think about watching it back seeing Hannah and Peter eye-fuck each other, then going on to see all his possible suitoree’s (girl version of suitor??? Idk!) tell him their sex stories? He definitely made the right call.

In the night portion of the date, all the women can talk about is HANNAH MF BROWN. I am still on the fence about MyKenna but I thought she made the best comment about the whole situation. All the girls are riling each other up talking about it, and she chimes in saying she doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. Sydney fights back (more intro. to come) saying, well, are you not upset about it, do you have any emotion about it???

MyKenna retorts back saying, “Of course I’m upset about it. And I’m going to talk to Peter about it. But I’m not going to spend my whole time with him talking about it. Take steps forward, not steps back.” YES, BITCH, YES. And I can confirm, she DOES take steps forward, ie. secures herself the second hoist of the season (details to come)!!!

YES queen

Peter and Sydney sit down to talk and AGAIN, PETER DOES NOT REMEMBER HER. LMAOOO. Have we ever had a lead so blatantly forget/not even put on a façade of remembering people??? LMAO Peter have some CHILL.

She starts the conversation by telling him that today was upsetting because she left so much behind to be here. CLASSIC BACHELOR CONTESTANT GUILT TRIP. But okay… I’m expecting her to tell us about some amazing career she left behind which is LEGIT, but she’s like, yeah, I left behind my mom and my family…. Um … Sydney… have you ever been to college or camp or any extended period not being with your family? That’s sweet and all, but like, RELAX.

This is when Peter’s like wait, wait, where are you from? Who are you? You’re already lording “leaving so much behind to be here” over my head? Idk if you remember but I am the Bachelor not you, lmao. He asks her about her home, and she tells her story of growing up biracial. Her dad is African American & Dominican and her mom is white, and she talks about how that has made her a really strong person. Girl, that is amazing! Lead with this!

Okay, you are strong!!! This is a real conversation!!!

The other notable moment is with MyKenna, who as I said, takes CONSIDERABLE steps forward. Peter is clearly very into her… because he’s comfortable enough to do THE WORST dance moves I’ve EVER SEEN. But YET, there is something seductive about it!!! Ugh! Nice guys, finish first, sometimes?

HORRIFYING Dance Moves that Some How Still Work

He tells MyKenna “there’s just something about you” and begins to intensely make out with her, and then like I said, she gets the SECOND hoist of the season, THIRD of all time on national television, and probably the HUNDREDTH in Peter’s lifetime, because he clearly has recyclable moves!!!

HOIST 1:

Hannah Hoist

HOIST 2:

Kelley Hoist

HOIST 3:

MyKenna Hoist

How many hoists can one take???

Notably, Sydney gets the group date rose!! So she’ll be one to keep your eyes on.

Sydeny is really cute! I like her!

The next night is the ~cocktail party~ ie. last-ditch efforts to get Peter to notice you. Lexi is looking HOT AS HELL, but Peter makes me CRINGE with his forgets-who-she-is bit… but then JK he remembers because he has a toy red convertible for her? But it’s like, Peter… you really can’t play that one because you truly… cannot remember anyone…

Lexi poses herself as the girl who is “just like, here to talk”. COOL GIRL ALERT. But like for real, she is dope.

Cool Girl Lexi

She alludes to what happened with Hannah Brown on the group date, and Peter begins to explain the situation, how real the feelings were for him. Instead of coming down on him for it Lexi’s like, oh no no NO, I GET it, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.

Lexi Being a Real One

Lexi, you’re a real one! We Stan!

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

CHAMPAGNE GATE

So Kelsey (“Who is Kelsey?” May be the question on your mind. All I can say is, “Same!”) is sitting on the couch talking with all the girls about how she brought this champagne from Iowa (where she is from) and has been waiting for a special occasion to open it…

Champagne Origin Story

She gets everything set up in a cute little ice bucket on a platter and sets it out by the fireplace; she’s a hopeless romantic she tells us. 😉

Just as Kelsey is walking up to Peter to bring him to her ~Iowa, Year-Old Champagne~ date, MyKenna comes out of left field & swoooops him right up before Kelsey can get to him. She is… livid to say the least?

Livid as HELL

So obviously, Kelsey confronts MyKenna, because how dare she talk to a guy she is supposed to be pursuing as the entire premise of this show?…

When Kelsey is confronting MyKenna she tells her how she’s being disrespectful to all the girls, but SPECIFICALLY to her because she has had the “least amount of time with Peter” (according to.. you?) ((Also, I’d be like… dude… I don’t owe you ANYYY THINGGGG), and MyKenna’s defending herself saying, “I didn’t intend it for it to come off that way-” when Kelsey cuts her off with a “That’s bullshit.” Tammy’s like OH FUCK…

Queen Tammy like HOLY SHIT

Then she’s like THIS IS MY MF MOMENT. And CHUGS the rest of her drink. Someone get this girl an agent, LMAOOO.

Tammy realizing this is my MF MOMENT

Kelsey continues going off at MyKenna, and my favorite line of it all was the repeated, “And I’m really pissed” LMAO. KELSEY. Please stop projecting because you don’t have as strong of a relationship as some of the other girls, you too can get there if you can just RELAX a LITTLE.

Meanwhile, Peter is talking with Madison. Despite how I may feel about Madison, Peter CLEARLY feels VERY strongly about her.

“The Best” Time! Maddi Rose!!!
Slow Danced ONE THOUSAND TIMES? Peter, King of Hyperbole!
“We’ve been dating for many years” JESUS CHRIST HE DIGS THIS CHICK

NO OFFENSE, but I think any girl who would have gone on that same one-on-one date and didn’t act a fool would have gotten along with his parents??? And anyone his parents love he will LOVE because of the transitive property? Do the math here, folks. He also calls her Maddi Rose??? Like ok??? That is so intimate of a nickname, is this porn? Why is she laughing so much like? I just don’t GET IT. Then he gives her a photo of her and his ENTIRE FAMILY and it’s just like yes this is really really sweet!!! Just can’t help but notice there is IMPENDING DOOM ie. she won’t win? I AM EVIL.

BACK TO THE KELSEY DRAMA – WE STAN ALAYAH: We will never not stan being a good friend, especially to a fellow women in need! It’s 2020, women need to stick together and remember that the enemy is MEN not each other!! Just kidding but also, I am not!! Alayah helping Kelsey re-touch her make-up post-cry, and telling her she doesn’t have to talk about crying with Peter is one of my fav parts of this episode. Yes and YES what a good friend. Also, I’m no fashion expert but I just thought Alayah’s look was really cool with the bun and velvet suit and different! We Stan!

Women Support Women 2020

Now this is where things start to get spicy. We see Hannah Ann and Peter innocently go up to Kelsey’s champagne, like what is this?!!

ALL THE PRODUCERS ARE GETTING A RAISE THIS SEASON, JESUS CHRIST. Kelsey’s sitting on the couch with the other girls talking about how she’s SO excited to share her champagne with Peter, how she’s been waiting soooo long to open it, when we hear a *POP* that sounds suspiciously like a champagne bottle … and the slow realization as Kelsey turns her head towards the noise. All the girls look at each other in disbelief like… is this really happening right now? LMAO.

Slow Head Turn Says it All

Then before we even know for sure what happened we get… the waterworks…

Don’t Ruin Your Makeup, It’s Not Worth It! Tammy! A good ass friend!

Then the not-knowing will no longer do. Kelsey gets up for once and for all, to see the source of the noise. “NO!”, all the girls cry out, “it could have been something else!” Right then and there you KNOW shit is about to go DOWN.

Kelsey is now FREAKING THE FUCK OUT at this point possibly because she, I don’t know, put too high of expectations on a person and on a moment, just for it to turn out extremely disappointing and not at all how she imagined it to be!!! Who can’t relate to that? Shit blooooows. She literally says “the bottle is what I want, I want to have a husband, I want to have a family”, so by losing the bottle, she loses… a husband?

Kelsey’s First Mistake: Equating Champagne to Finding Everlasting Love

It’s also annoying because Hannah Ann is EVIL (SORRY) and all the (normal) girls can see this, but Peter can’t, and it’s just the classic tale!!! Kelsey, I GET it!

I know my dislike of Hannah Ann is based mostly in irrational reasoning, BUT I SWEAR, when Tammy tells Hannah Ann that the bottle was Kelsey’s she’d been saving from Iowa, Hannah Ann is TRYING NOT TO SMILE. LIKE IT’S HARD TO SAY THIS BISH DOESN’T KNOW WHATS UP. Even if she DIDN’T know what she was doing she is deff not mad at the chaos she is causing.

HOE KNOWS

Meanwhile, Kelsey has STORMED OFF, everyone is trying to comfort her, including Peter. He walks up to the room she’s in, presumably asking someone else at the door, “Does she want to see me?”. This person passes on the question until we hear a resounding “No.” Peter’s taken aback like… wait… you don’t want to see me even though… you are trying to pursue me? LOL. And again, we hear a definite “NO.”

Peter walking away like…

FINALLY, Kelsey has come out of hiding, and again, STOMPING AND STORMING, and she walks right up to Peter and Hannah Ann sitting in front of her champagne and goes OFF.

YOU KNEW

My roommate Gabbi points out, “even though MyKenna is kinda evil, at least she apologizes, but Hannah Ann literally doesn’t even apologize”. She ain’t wrong!!!

AND THE KICKER OF THIS ENTIRE ORDEAL IS… There is ANOTHER bottle of champagne in a SEPARATE set up, and it’s just like L-M-F-A-O, you can’t make this shit up, but I guess you can if you are a Bachelor producer!!

In her absolute FURY, Kelsey KNOCKS OVER the other champagne bottle, and in one swift movement, she seals her own fate. Once again, Producers, I really gotta hand it to you. Creating something from nothing, or more so, creating an entire scandal from champagne from IOWA.

Fate is SEALED

MOST ICONIC MOMENT OF THE EPISODE. I TRULY BELIEVE THIS SCENE WILL BE INGRAINED IN MY BRAIN UNTIL THE DAY I DIE. EVERY TIME I WENT TO THE BATHROOM TODAY I WATCHED IT THREE TIMES. DEAR GOD, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR GIVING ME THESE 5 PERFECT SECONDS OF ABSOLUTE HILARITY, I TRULY AM SO THANKFUL.

Roll Scene:

Peter: Do you want to drink out of the glasses or out of the bottle?

Kelsey: Bottle, I’m not always a classy bitch.

Kelsey drinks the champagne, gleefully throwing her hair back…

When tragically, horribly, horrifyingly the champagne inexplicably bursts out of her mouth and onto her face causing Peter to jump away and try not to laugh in disbelief at Kelsey’s unlucky misery…

There’s a fine line between comedy & tragedy

Later on, Hannah Ann tries to go up to Kelsey to talk and Kelsey is NOT having it.

I’m not trying to steal whoever said this, but someone told me somewhere they saw that Hannah Ann is the Bachelor’s first attempt at AI, and ever since I heard that I cannot process this the same lmaooooo. When she says, “I acknowledge your feelings” with ZERO EMOTION.

0.0 Emotion from AI Hannah Ann

END SCENE. God DAMN, I cannot believe we saw this on only the SECOND EPISODE OF THE SEASON. Peter’s season has already exceeded my wildest expectations.

At the end of the night, we get another rose ceremony. We watch as one by one the girls receive roses. I must say, when Sarah accepts her rose she’s just so god dang CUTEEEEE. She BEST become relevant ASAP, ie hopefully getting the first one-on-one next week. Everyone is like, oh I have the top 4 figured out, I’m like, y’all need to just hold your horses!!! Remember Catherine from Sean Lowe’s season??? Literally irrelevant for 5 episodes and then comes in HOT. I’m holding out for my girl.

My MF GIRL

Chris Harrison finally comes in to say, “Ladies, its’ the final rose tonight” …. MOMENTOUS STRINGS PLAYING… The camera flashes between all the women who are rose-less… just when you think you can’t take one more minute of silence… Peter calls the name, “Kelsey”. A little champagne to the face never hurt no one I guess!

Okay, girl power!!!! YES!!! Show me more of girls becoming friends because as stated by many ex-Bachelor contestants, most people leave with lasting FRIENDSHIPS more than RELATIONSHIPS. Ultimately, friendship is the meaning of life, and to see them blossoming here of all places is DOPE.

THERES NOTHING BETTER THAN WOMEN FRIENDSHIPS

AGAIN, Hannah Ann AIN’T IT FOR ME, but she knows how to play this game. Peter literally is like Kelsey! Gee, it seems like YOU’VE had a bad night, would you like to make a toast? Ie. I see you, I’m trying to make you feel better, why don’t you start us off right, and she REFUSES TO??? Peter’s like… um… anyone else then I guess? And MF Hannah Ann’s like, well I ain’t a damn idiot, yeah, imma take what I can! Geesh, my girl, this ain’t the Kelsey show this is THE BACHELOR. You need to play your cards right!

KELSEY, STEP UP YOUR FKN GAME

The next day is another group date, and it may be the most coveted group date of all TIME. Anyone who knows anything or follows any one of these hoes on Instagram KNOWS they ALL go on to be influencers for REVOLVE. Lo & behold… they go to be a part of a Revolve runway show and the winner gets THE ENTIRE REVOLVE CLOSET, IE. THOUSANDS UPON THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF CLOTHING. Even the winner of this show has slim chances of everlasting love… but the winner of this date? Everlasting wardrobe!!

Nick Viall Said It Best

Victoria F., who up ’til this point has been mostly in this show for making funny comments slash having mental breakdowns? Well, surprise, surprise she is having ANOTHER one this entire group date.

Here’s the thing… there have been pictures of Victoria F. modeling for a “White Lives Matter” clothing company in Virginia… She has said she didn’t know what she was doing, but that’s a TERRIBLE MF EXCUSE. It’s really hard to look past this and root for her at all.

WRONG PLEASE TRY TO UNDERSTAND FOR ONE SECOND WHITE PRIVILEGE

Janice Dickinson, supermodel, but known to me from another great reality TV classic, America’s Next Top Model, and Carson Lee Kressley, from the original Queer Eye, are there to judge the show. The girls get started by picking out their own day and evening fits, then they hit the runway. This entire date I want to permanently erase from my memory, but alas, I will cover the important points.

The entire build-up to the runway Victoria F. is having a god dang MELTDOWN. Kelsey comes to comfort her, but I can’t help but think… blind? leading the blind?

Mental Breakdown 1 Comforting Mental Breakdown 2

First up on the runway, we get Hannah Ann in a wedding dress… Ma’am, can you please just RELAX AND GET TO KNOW THE GUY, JESUS.

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN

We’ve barely seen Alexa on this show, but I gotta say, ZAMMMM we see her on the runway looking fine as HELL.

Alexa, would you actually be interested in marrying me? I also come with the last name Weber

And then, of COURSE, Victoria F., who is literally freaking the fuck out all the way up to her runway performance, finally gets on the stage and is immediately SLAYING. Like her face just clicked. And maybe this is because… IDK, she is a MODEL??? Like why you tryna hustle us, we’ve seen your work!!

Trying to Hustle Us

For the evening wear, she comes out in a ROBE AND LINGERIE. AND 30 SECONDS AGO SHE WAS CRYING ABOUT NOT BEING CONFIDENT. SMDH.

Peter Getting a Hard-On

THEN SHE HAS THE SEXIEST KISS I’VE EVER SEEN WITH PETER.

SEXI ASS KISS WISH THAT WAS FKN ME

After all the girls have gone, Janice & Carson pick the top two girls to compete wearing the SAME DRESS so it’s all about “the walk”. What a surprise!!! The two models, Hannah Ann & Victoria F. win the runway date, I absolutely did not see that coming!!! Hannah Ann ends up winning (REMINISCENT OF A CERTAIN EVIL SOMEONE IE. LUKE P. WINNING THE “MR. RIGHT PAGEANT”), and all the girls are just like WE GET IT.

In the night portion of the date, we get residual drama leftover from the previous night’s rose ceremony. Hannah Ann tells Peter how distraught she is from the whole Champagne-Gate scandal.

Find this hard to believe from Mrs. Zero Emotion

Peter also shares a really sweet moment with Victoria F. When they first start talking, Victoria is literally acting like a CHILD giving him one-word response answers until he’s finally like uh… what’s the deal?

ARE YOU A CHILD

She’s like, “nothing”, LIKE ARE WE IN FIFTH GRADE LMFAO, say your feelings.

She goes on to have a full-on face-in-lap sob cry about not being confident and feeling outshined by the other women. Peter, the absolute gentleman he is, takes her aside, “to give her some privacy”… which we know you can never have when you’re on The Bachelor, but nonetheless, he tries.

I am SHOCKED to see how intensely he tells her he wants girls like her here, he knows she’s different, and that he really wants to get to know her. It’s so sweet yet I’m like… haven’t you previously said three words to each other??? She goes on to get the group date rose, so again, he’s REALLY showing he wants here there. It just all seems random as hell.

After Peter gives Victoria F. the rose, he pulls aside Kelsey to confront her about what Hannah Ann said, including that Kelsey was “bullying her”. Kelsey obviously gets extremely upset from this conversation, but Peter just gets annoyed.

Kelsey realizing he likes Hannah Ann more…

Kelsey and Hannah Ann have another confrontation at the end of the episode which leads to Kelsey storming off in tears. SIGH. I will say, the champagne to the face is a Top 10 Bachelor moment in history, so I will accept this drama as it gave us one of the greatest LOLS of all time.

Again, Peter’s season is HERE and it is HAPPENING. I truly have no idea what will happen, and still feels like there are so many girls in serious contention (I counted and I believe he has kissed TEN GIRLS out of like… 20 left???) Ten girls kissed (50%) in two episodes. It’s anyone’s game! May the odds be ever in your favor!!

Published by Erin Weber

Brazen Bachelor Franchise Fan

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